How to Help Your Kids Say "No" to Peer Pressure

By Jim Burns, Ph.D.

A 14-year-old guy once asked me, "What's so important about my friends anyway?"

"You tell me," I replied.

And so, he did. He went to the chalkboard and wrote the following impressions:

"My friends' influence me on . . . ."

   what I think about myself;
   what language I use;
   what I think of my parents;
   what I wear;
   what is and isn't in;
   what I think about my teachers;
   how I act;
   what parties I attend;
   whether or not my studies are important;
   whether or not to drink or smoke;
   what is right and wrong;
   whether or not to have team spirit;
   whether I should keep going to church;
   how I should spend my money;
   what I want to do when I graduate from high school.

After he had completed his list, I looked at him and said, "I think you answered your own question."

But what about your kids? Do they have the kind of friends that pull them up and help build a healthy self-image . . . or do they hold them down? Remember that only they can answer this question - but you, as a parent, can help them make the best choices for how they'll be affected by peer pressure!

Now, for "How to Help Your Kids Say 'No' to Peer Pressure."

More than anything else, teenagers need to know that they are unique and special in God's eyes. Help your child know that he or she can dare to be different because they are loved and accepted by the One who matters most - God!

Robert was in my youth group. He was "normal;" he had his share of problems all right. But somehow, Robert usually managed to rise above the negative influence of peer pressure. Once I asked him what his secret was, and he gave me an excellent formula I now pass on to you. He called his inventory list, "Will You Care or Remember?"

Here's how it works. First, write these words on a piece of paper - "Ten years after I've left my school, will I still care about or be able to remember . . . ."

Then, complete that thought with the following -

   the girl or guy who was better dressed than me;
   the number one athlete in our school;
   the beauty queen or most handsome guy;
   the person with the most expensive car;
   the names of five people in a clique who wouldn't accept me in their "group;"
   who was or wasn't at the wildest parties?

What will really matter 10 years from now? If you're honest with yourself, you'll realize that a lot of things you worry about when it comes to peer acceptance won't even matter a few years from now.

I like the way a man named J.B. Phillips translated a verse in the book of Romans, where it says, "Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold, but let God remold your minds from within, so that you may prove in practice that the plan of God for you is good, meets all his demands and moves toward the goal of maturity (12:2, italics mine)."

Today, God gave you 24 hours to live life to the fullest. That's 1,400 minutes - or 86,400 seconds, if you will. You can accomplish a great deal with that much time each day. I hope you encourage your teenager to take a life inventory today and decide not to follow the crowd . . . but to dare to be different!!

(excerpted from "Surviving Adolescence" by Jim Burns. If you'd like a copy of this book for the teenager in your life, click here.)  [opens in a new window]

Copyright YouthBuilders 2002