"Keeping in Touch with Your Kids"
By Jim Burns, Ph.D.
Our culture has correctly focused in recent years on the tragedies of physical and sexual abuses that kids have encountered. As a result, some parents have distanced themselves from displaying any kind of physical affection toward their own children for fear of touching inappropriately. This is particularly true when dealing with sons and daughters of the opposite sex. This approach, however, leaves a lot of kids starved for physical attention. Everyone needs appropriate physical affection in order to thrive as people. The reality is that if kids don't receive affection at home, they're likely to search for it through sexual relationships with their peers. While teenagers may balk at kisses on the lips or full-frontal hugs, don't take this as a sign that they don't need or want your affection. Here are some ideas for appropriate physical affection that will help your family stay healthy.
Give hugs.
Give kisses. A kiss on the cheek is much more acceptable for most teenagers - than a kiss on the lips.
Give neck or back rubs.
Give a pat on the back.
Provide a touch on the hand, arm or shoulder.
Play games.
Give piggy back rides. If your son or daughter is older, let them give you a piggy back ride!
Be aware. Listen for what your son or daughter considers to be appropriate or inappropriate physical touch.
Be on the lookout for key times for physical touch. Here are some examples: A kiss on the cheek when saying goodnight; a pat on the back for a job well done; a hand on a shoulder to comfort during a difficult time; a hug when arriving home after a weekend away.
Here are some articles you may wish to read on this subject:
Fathers: Your Daughters Need Your Affection by Ken Canfield. Click here to go to the article on the Internet. [opens in a new window]
Accepting Our Children by Josh McDowell. Click here to go to the article on the Internet. [opens in a new window]
Copyright YouthBuilders 2004